Breathe.
Like Batman, I only show up when I am needed. Though unlike Batman, I drink and curse alot. Though like Batman, I enjoy the occasional tryst with my young ward. I digress...I seen the pirate symbol illuminated in the night sky and here I am to do what I can.
This site looks like it was designed by a retarded 3 year old with brain damage. Look at the clean lines and easy navigation on display at the Orphans (I just want to point out that at first, the "o" in Orphans was not capitalized but, out of respect to those destitute children, I actually went back and capitalized for them...) site, makes me want to actually wade through the information and stuff. Here there is information but, it is so poorly presented and organized, I kinda want to spoon my eyes out each time I visit. The purpose has NOT been served, depsite what our illustrious commish claims...
The league has grown in ebbs and tides but, by no means has it reached the levels it CAN reach. For one, we still ain't got no likka sponsors. And before y'all go bitching about how we ain't gonna get any, let me point out that the league in Seattle is Sponsored by COORS...(Editor's note - Coors sponsors the Baltimore league) word...the silver bullet itself. I'm not saying a nice site will instantly get us a sponsor but, it will certainly go a long way towards it...particularly if presented with the press and crap the league has gotten thus far. I'll be more than willing to spearhead the sponsor push but, I ain't got no web skillz to speak of...
So...OPEN CALL SUCKAZ.
I know many of you cats got crazy Design/Web Skillz. Do any of you fine gentlemen/women have the time and desire to redo this shit site? If so, please drop your info and shiatsu on the commish (fun@brooklynkickball.com). You will be compensated in props, respect from your peers and copious amounts of alcoholic beverages (or if you don't get down with that, just the props and respect...)
The new schedule....ah, yes...where to begin...well, it is certainly about 2 hours fresher than the 2pm start time that people were talking about but, it still kinda blows.
After having gone through the new time yesterday, I can say - with full confidence - no me gusta. Fo' reals now...generally I have some energy but, I don't think that shit kicks in 'til about 6pm. Gotta give the bio-system time to digest and process the SWINE and grease and chicken periods that are consumed prior...and you simply can't rush such a high-tech system...bad things are bound to happen. Does this mean I shall party with less passion and zeal on Saturday, so as to begin my Sunday earlier? Nope. Just means I'll probably show up later.
And here's an idea...food for thought, if you will...what if each team played but one game a week? then, perhaps we could just go from 6-8 and not lose sleep or players (the turn-out this Sunday was kinda weak...).
"if you slide on the blacktop you're out."
Lick my Sweat-Stained Testicles, please.
When did we become such a bunch of bitch-ass punks (or was that punk-ass bitches...)?
If I feel like fucking sliding and removing the first few layers of the epidermis for the benefit of my team, I should be allowed to do so. Just because yer a pussy and you don't want to slide shouldn't prevent others, who have balls (or are extremely stupid or hardcore, etc), from doing what needs to get done in order to secure their team a victory. This is a straight-up milquetoast (read, pussy) rule. I encourage all to protest and defy this rule every single fucking chance you get.
And honestly, I would simply *love* to see some bones get broken in multiple spots and come protruding from skin after the break. That would be sweet. I'd be all up in the grill of the cat with their shinbone coming out of their kneecap, asking them if I could please touch it. Dude! How often do you get the chance to see something like that? It'll be a fine story to tell your kids when warning them of the dangers of playing too rough and for the person it happens to, it will be an excellent story to make the kids respect you and make 'em understand how fresh you were back in the day (and it'll give you a nifty reason to rock that limp...or wheelchair, as the case may be).
Sweetpea, you scallywag. Despite my deep-seeded hatred for you and your kind, I must agree with you on one (or more) point(s). Motherfuckers gots to start rocking better outfits. Now I gotta give respect to the Orphans (once again, damn, what has become of me? All this kowtowing to fuckers with no history (or do they have some...?) or family (I wonder what happened to it?) makes me kinda hate myself for being such a nice motherfucker), those poor bastards got their shirts proper and actually look like a team (a poorly dressed, bottom of the barrel, pick-up team but, still a team...). DUDE. If ORPHANS (these cats have no socks and eat gruel, you dig?!) can get their shit together and have a consistent team uniform, what the fuck is your problem?
OS, you cats have the simplest possible uniform, a shirt with FUCKING ORANGE SLEEVES. Have one of you tools go out, buy a bunch from, like, chinatown or some shit and hand 'em out to the morons that couldn't figure out the "orange" part or the "sleeve" part of the uniform requirement.
DK, you cats had the golden shoe thing, which was cool...what happened? You cats get jacked for your shoes? I thought I saw some of them shits hanging from wires in the middle of intersections in Brooklyn. If the big kids are bothering you, let us know...maybe we'll send some toughs to protect you on the way from your mommy's place to Mcarren. Also, shirts for more of your players wouldn't hurt. I'm sure the Orphans have loot left from the collection boxes that they could spare, if you need it...
COBRA, had a thing going...but now they dead...victims of Piracy, I heard...
HH, Simple and pretty...love the light blue, with that kinda arty design...but yer supposed to be HEADHUNTERS fer chrissake! Where the hell is the fire? you need some motherfuckers in loincloths decapitating people on-field and wearing elaborate head-dresses. Or feathers. or fucking body paint, spears, bows, arrows, human sacrifice...something, anything. otherwise y'all just a name...and there ain't no water in that coconut, if you dig what I'm saying...and I think you do...
So, here's a little jump-off point for youse...educate yourselves (shit is actually quite fascinating...)
headhunters
BD, to create one of your shirts, you need but a shirt and a marker. And not even one of them fancy Sharpie markers, I'm talking about the crap you get in pre-school where there are like 100 thin markers that span every shade of known color. If you need me to rob a pre-school to score you those markers so you can make yer ghetto shirts, let me know. It would be nice if all y'all had 'em.
The other teams, I have no time to degrade right now but, if you are lucky, perhaps later...
Practice seemed to work for the OS. Don't get me wrong, they still suck and are possibly the luckiest bunch of fuckers I've ever had the displeasure of meeting but, they did beat us...and that is quite a feat. Not many of you have the pleasure of having those words escape your lips.
Practice more.
Honestly, it's getting kind of boring whipping all your asses ALL the time. Mercy rules hurt, don't they? We might have to start playing handicapped against other teams, just to make it interesting for us...
And don't take this an Anti-BUSH/USA thing, cuz it's not, my allegiance is to myself and my comfort. I could care less about motherfuckers protesting shit...as long as they don't mess with my program.
Fuck the National Anthem pre-game ceremonies bullshit. Seriously. I fucking HATE to stand. I hate standing when I walk (and you kinda have to do that), so fuck a special standing (that I would actually have to both get up AND sit down for) for a song. fuck that.
If there must be pre-game crap, let's stay away from special dances, (unless they are of the lap variety and given by false breasted, loose women) songs and other lame shit like that (all you lame-ass fuckers are probably thinking "hey, songs and special dances ain't lame!" well, newsflash, Walter Cronkite, they are.). Let's kill some babies, or shoot stuff, or joust, or just blow up a watermelon with some fireworks. Something that represents the BK league, not shit everyone else is doing...
And on that note, it's back to the future for this mechanical pirate...got some babies I have to prevent myself from making...coitus interruptus here I come!
LPM
Like Batman, I only show up when I am needed. Though unlike Batman, I drink and curse alot. Though like Batman, I enjoy the occasional tryst with my young ward. I digress...I seen the pirate symbol illuminated in the night sky and here I am to do what I can.
This site looks like it was designed by a retarded 3 year old with brain damage. Look at the clean lines and easy navigation on display at the Orphans (I just want to point out that at first, the "o" in Orphans was not capitalized but, out of respect to those destitute children, I actually went back and capitalized for them...) site, makes me want to actually wade through the information and stuff. Here there is information but, it is so poorly presented and organized, I kinda want to spoon my eyes out each time I visit. The purpose has NOT been served, depsite what our illustrious commish claims...
The league has grown in ebbs and tides but, by no means has it reached the levels it CAN reach. For one, we still ain't got no likka sponsors. And before y'all go bitching about how we ain't gonna get any, let me point out that the league in Seattle is Sponsored by COORS...(Editor's note - Coors sponsors the Baltimore league) word...the silver bullet itself. I'm not saying a nice site will instantly get us a sponsor but, it will certainly go a long way towards it...particularly if presented with the press and crap the league has gotten thus far. I'll be more than willing to spearhead the sponsor push but, I ain't got no web skillz to speak of...
So...OPEN CALL SUCKAZ.
I know many of you cats got crazy Design/Web Skillz. Do any of you fine gentlemen/women have the time and desire to redo this shit site? If so, please drop your info and shiatsu on the commish (fun@brooklynkickball.com). You will be compensated in props, respect from your peers and copious amounts of alcoholic beverages (or if you don't get down with that, just the props and respect...)
The new schedule....ah, yes...where to begin...well, it is certainly about 2 hours fresher than the 2pm start time that people were talking about but, it still kinda blows.
After having gone through the new time yesterday, I can say - with full confidence - no me gusta. Fo' reals now...generally I have some energy but, I don't think that shit kicks in 'til about 6pm. Gotta give the bio-system time to digest and process the SWINE and grease and chicken periods that are consumed prior...and you simply can't rush such a high-tech system...bad things are bound to happen. Does this mean I shall party with less passion and zeal on Saturday, so as to begin my Sunday earlier? Nope. Just means I'll probably show up later.
And here's an idea...food for thought, if you will...what if each team played but one game a week? then, perhaps we could just go from 6-8 and not lose sleep or players (the turn-out this Sunday was kinda weak...).
"if you slide on the blacktop you're out."
Lick my Sweat-Stained Testicles, please.
When did we become such a bunch of bitch-ass punks (or was that punk-ass bitches...)?
If I feel like fucking sliding and removing the first few layers of the epidermis for the benefit of my team, I should be allowed to do so. Just because yer a pussy and you don't want to slide shouldn't prevent others, who have balls (or are extremely stupid or hardcore, etc), from doing what needs to get done in order to secure their team a victory. This is a straight-up milquetoast (read, pussy) rule. I encourage all to protest and defy this rule every single fucking chance you get.
And honestly, I would simply *love* to see some bones get broken in multiple spots and come protruding from skin after the break. That would be sweet. I'd be all up in the grill of the cat with their shinbone coming out of their kneecap, asking them if I could please touch it. Dude! How often do you get the chance to see something like that? It'll be a fine story to tell your kids when warning them of the dangers of playing too rough and for the person it happens to, it will be an excellent story to make the kids respect you and make 'em understand how fresh you were back in the day (and it'll give you a nifty reason to rock that limp...or wheelchair, as the case may be).
Sweetpea, you scallywag. Despite my deep-seeded hatred for you and your kind, I must agree with you on one (or more) point(s). Motherfuckers gots to start rocking better outfits. Now I gotta give respect to the Orphans (once again, damn, what has become of me? All this kowtowing to fuckers with no history (or do they have some...?) or family (I wonder what happened to it?) makes me kinda hate myself for being such a nice motherfucker), those poor bastards got their shirts proper and actually look like a team (a poorly dressed, bottom of the barrel, pick-up team but, still a team...). DUDE. If ORPHANS (these cats have no socks and eat gruel, you dig?!) can get their shit together and have a consistent team uniform, what the fuck is your problem?
OS, you cats have the simplest possible uniform, a shirt with FUCKING ORANGE SLEEVES. Have one of you tools go out, buy a bunch from, like, chinatown or some shit and hand 'em out to the morons that couldn't figure out the "orange" part or the "sleeve" part of the uniform requirement.
DK, you cats had the golden shoe thing, which was cool...what happened? You cats get jacked for your shoes? I thought I saw some of them shits hanging from wires in the middle of intersections in Brooklyn. If the big kids are bothering you, let us know...maybe we'll send some toughs to protect you on the way from your mommy's place to Mcarren. Also, shirts for more of your players wouldn't hurt. I'm sure the Orphans have loot left from the collection boxes that they could spare, if you need it...
COBRA, had a thing going...but now they dead...victims of Piracy, I heard...
HH, Simple and pretty...love the light blue, with that kinda arty design...but yer supposed to be HEADHUNTERS fer chrissake! Where the hell is the fire? you need some motherfuckers in loincloths decapitating people on-field and wearing elaborate head-dresses. Or feathers. or fucking body paint, spears, bows, arrows, human sacrifice...something, anything. otherwise y'all just a name...and there ain't no water in that coconut, if you dig what I'm saying...and I think you do...
So, here's a little jump-off point for youse...educate yourselves (shit is actually quite fascinating...)
headhunters
BD, to create one of your shirts, you need but a shirt and a marker. And not even one of them fancy Sharpie markers, I'm talking about the crap you get in pre-school where there are like 100 thin markers that span every shade of known color. If you need me to rob a pre-school to score you those markers so you can make yer ghetto shirts, let me know. It would be nice if all y'all had 'em.
The other teams, I have no time to degrade right now but, if you are lucky, perhaps later...
Practice seemed to work for the OS. Don't get me wrong, they still suck and are possibly the luckiest bunch of fuckers I've ever had the displeasure of meeting but, they did beat us...and that is quite a feat. Not many of you have the pleasure of having those words escape your lips.
Practice more.
Honestly, it's getting kind of boring whipping all your asses ALL the time. Mercy rules hurt, don't they? We might have to start playing handicapped against other teams, just to make it interesting for us...
And don't take this an Anti-BUSH/USA thing, cuz it's not, my allegiance is to myself and my comfort. I could care less about motherfuckers protesting shit...as long as they don't mess with my program.
Fuck the National Anthem pre-game ceremonies bullshit. Seriously. I fucking HATE to stand. I hate standing when I walk (and you kinda have to do that), so fuck a special standing (that I would actually have to both get up AND sit down for) for a song. fuck that.
If there must be pre-game crap, let's stay away from special dances, (unless they are of the lap variety and given by false breasted, loose women) songs and other lame shit like that (all you lame-ass fuckers are probably thinking "hey, songs and special dances ain't lame!" well, newsflash, Walter Cronkite, they are.). Let's kill some babies, or shoot stuff, or joust, or just blow up a watermelon with some fireworks. Something that represents the BK league, not shit everyone else is doing...
And on that note, it's back to the future for this mechanical pirate...got some babies I have to prevent myself from making...coitus interruptus here I come!
LPM