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The Commish Rants about his Big, Faggedy, Soon to be Ex-Governor, and
Jersey Itself
Most everyone knows the "irony" of a Brooklyn Kickball Commish being from Jersey. I feel that for it to be ironic, you must be a student of Alanis Morissette. Hudson County, as well as others, is just as much as part of the Metro area as any other. Our restaurants are just as fantastic; the pussy is just as sweet; its architecture just as sophisticated; its wealth is second to none. I can access Manhattan as easily as any outer Borougher. Hoboken suffered the most loss of life on 9-11. If the attacks on New York were attacks on America, then Jersey is New York.
Jersey is not without its internal strife, such as cities vs. the suburbs, and every one of its billion municipalities blowing its wad trying to be a City-State in the caliber of a Florence or a Siena. Newark, Camden, and yes, even Atlantic City will never get a leg up because they depend on its poor local taxes, and everyone from the rich burbs revolt everytime a Governor tries to spread the wealth evenly. Think about this: Newark and Short Hills are in the same county, yet the former is in the top 10 of poorest cities of the country, while the the latter in the top 10 of the richest. We are segregated, town by town.
I know why people think Jersey is a dump and its people are stupid. When tourists drive the Turnpike on their approach to Manhattan, and see and smell the oil refineries, or when morons watch the Sopranos, they think they got the Garden State all figured out. Jersey has been dissed for so long even before I was born. Bugs Bunny bemoaned being stuck in Hoboken. Hawkeye Pierce from "M*A*S*H" called Korea's frontline the "Jersey City of southeast Asia." In the original "Heaven Can Wait", circa 1936, the guardian angel wished to be relocated out of Jersey.
Our state takes all this shit as if California doesn't have Compton, as if East New York isn't in New York, as if half of Texas isn't a wasteland. I love when Billyburgers and Greenpointers dis Jersey as if their life expectancy doesn't drop with every breath they take. Wanna take a trip 2 hours away and check out the slums of New Haven, Connecticut (that's right, Yale territory),
or the barren steel towns in Eastern Pennsylvania? Everyone around here is from somewhere else: I hear tales of the pits in Youngstown, Ohio to the poverty in Bangor Maine. All states have its eyesores and its depravity: Jersey is just the most obvious due to its closeness to New York.
Fuck you. We put more into the Union than any other state and get the least in return. Our blemishes remain partly because we are America's Sugar Daddy. If we could keep our federal taxes, we'd have the Holland Tunnel paved with gold (at least halfway), and boast an army capable of taking on anyone. But because we have to subsidize the Misssissippis, Arkansas, and Dakotas in this Fine Union, we can't get any new infrastructure and improvements for ourselves. They are not the heartland, we are.
I have never liked anyone I've voted for except Jesse Jackson, my very first choice. The only thing I want from my politicians is to build me more shit and improve what we have, but due to the reasons explained above, compounded by maladies like piggish, corrupt unions, their hands are tied. So I don't know what to expect. But tell ya one thing California: we'd never vote for
Tony Soprano. And New York, how's Bloomberg feeling right now? Don't u feel a little used by 9-11 politics? That's ok, most of our stupid country fell for it too.