Kickball Standings, For Your Amusement

. Team Mercy Wins Wins Losses Mercy Losses Ties Winning % Games . . Government Kickbacks 1 1 1 1.000 3 . John Cougar Mellancamps 3 1.000 3 . Unmentionables 1 1.000 1 . Wrecking Crew 1 1 1 1.000 3 . Ye Olde Fashioneds 2 1 0.833 3 . Commitments 1 1 0.750 2 . Lightning Turtles 1 1 0.750 2 . Bacon Bits 2 1 0.667 3 . Divine Sisterhood Etc. 2 1 0.667 3 . Dream Team 1 2 0.667 3 . Gingerballs 2 1 0.667 3 . New Frontiersmen 2 1 0.667 3 . Kanguerillas 2 1 0.571 3.5 . Bourgy Ballers 1 1 0.500 2 . Continentals 1 1 0.500 2 . Crucial Taunt 1 1 1 0.500 3 . Kickball Fever 1 2 0.500 3 . La Resistance 1 1 0.500 2

. Never Scared 1 1 0.500 2 . Prison 1 0.500 1 . Sugar Tits 1 1 1 0.500 3 . Team Peavy 1 1 0.500 2 . Wyld Stallyns 1 1 0.500 2 . Regression Aggression 1 1 0.400 2.5 . NYC Fun Club 1 2 0.333 3 . Luz Restaurant 1 1 0.250 2 . Monster Squad 1 1 0.250 2 . Stallionaires 1 1 0.250 2 . Booze on First 2 0.000 2 . Dolls Kicking Balls 1 1 0.000 2.5 . Los Piratas Mechanicos 1 1 0.000 2.5 . People's Court 3 0.000 3 . Storm of Lazers 2 0.000 2 . Uncommon 1 0.000 1

Beautiful Day. Few complaints, lotta laughs, lotta drinks, and a lot of, "Hey are you the Commish? Do you know if....", or, "Have you thought of...", or, "Where can I get a...." Nights like last night make me feel like I'm the father of some hideous bride. But I'm happy you all had a good time. Sorry the sound system blew out, I mostly feel badly for my brother schlepping from Jersey's burbs to sing through some defective speakers.

The Mellencamps are where they always were, first, and the Pirates still suck. But the Commitments have challenged the JCMs. My money would be on the Commitments, but I've taken the wise approach to ban gambling, as some of you petty fucks would take a dive for a Pabst.

I really wanna see the Pirates play the Dolls. Oh, there's a special new rule for the Dolls: in order to mercy-rule them, a team must beat them by 20. Yesterday, Kickball Fever whined about this on-the-fly-rule, so we let it end after 14 runs. But 20 is now the number. No worries, everyone wins when you play da Dolls.

I'm proud the two Malones spinoffs are doing well. Stay cool.

Note: this Sunday commences the most fun ever: the bye week system. Stay tuned here, or check with your captain.