Schedule and Events

. Game Main Field Red Monsta Friggin Outhouse . . 1 (5pm) Crucial Taunt v. Non-Commits Wyld Stallyns v. Stallionaires Kanguerillas v. Dolls . . 2 Never Scared v. Prison Kickbacks v. People's Court NYCFC v. Continentals . . 3 Peavy v. JCMs Sugartits v.Gingerballs Monster v. Storm o' Lazerz . . 4 Non-Commits v. New Frontiersmen Pirates v.La Resistance Lightning Turtles v. Kanguerillas . . 5 Prison v. Sugartits Dolls v. NYCFC Continentals v. Wyld Stallyns . . 6 Never Scared v. Crucial Taunt Kickbacks v. La Resistance Storm o' Lazerz v. New Frontiersmen . . 7 JCMs v. People's Court Peavy v. Gingerballs Lightning Turtles v. Monster . . 8 <--- Pirates v. Stallionaires --->

Let me embarrass the Commitments in this post. It's no secret that they are dear to me, so I thought I would give you all a scouting report on them to prepare for the Playoffs. Don't let their record fool you: they are the defending Champs, and therefore, are still the team to beat come Playoff time. Most of their players have twice won a title, and have been part of BKKB's best teams. Hubris accounts for their shoddy record, and Hubris, my friends, will smack you like Anubis. However, I should note their registering almost 20 games this year - a fourfold increase from 2007. No one will say they just showed up for the Playoffs. So, as a favor to them and you, I will create what should be their lineup, offering insight on them while illustrating how to make your best order.

1) Camden, RC. She is new to the team. I don't know where she came from, probably from the soccer field. Therefore, she can kick firmly, and they will rely on her to lead off and get on. The task for the first kicker: just reach first.

2) Jesse "Sportz" Alexander, 3B. Jesse is arguably the best player in our league, ever. He probably has the highest on-base percentage for men, and as many of you should know, can kick with deadly precision as both a kicker and fielder. Don't think you'll get an easy single when leading off, as he will just nonchalantly pop it over to first. I've seen him do this to guys and girls. Furthermore, he is always good for a double, though he may have lost just a little power due to his svelter frame. Therefore, he is a classic #2 kicker: excellent average and speed, with above-average strength.

3) Matt "Tiger" Sadewitz, LC. All of you should know Matt, as he's subbed in for almost every team this year, at my request. He's lovable: the reigning Most Valuable Player, cute, and amongst the deepest kickers and fastest runners. He has more power than Sportz, and his average is around the same, so he should succeed Sportz in the lineup.

4) Noah "Clutch" Becker, LF. God, has this intense man been a pain in my ass over the years, but I love him. Don't bother booting it to left, he'll track it down every time. As a kicker, I would put his power in the top 4 of the league. He's a contender to be the first to smack the Monster. While his kicks are the best on the team, I don't think his average is as good as Sportz' or Matt's. If this were Murderer's Row, he'd be Gehrig. Gehrig was fourth (Ruth hit 3rd), and so should Noah.

5) Jason "Whino" Weinstein, 1B. Whino may be the most underrated player of all time, as he's been in his teammates' shadows all these years. But without him, the Burninators would have never won a title in '05, and he can too kick like a motherfucker. That's what you need to know about Sportz, Whino, Wheelz and Noah: they play soccer a few nights a week. On any other team, he would kick 3rd or 4th. His average is great, as is his power. In fact, Noah and Whino could switch places in the lineup and there may be no difference.

6) Ben "Is" White, RF. Just like Whino, Ben could kick 3rd through 6th. A skinny southpaw, he carried the Orangesleeves to BKKB's first Championship in 2004. He addresses the ball as if he were golfing (he has a low handicap), and has a smooth follow through. Very few pop-ups come off of his foot. Along with Jesse Ballgame, Ben has a strong arm, his skills come from playing softball every weekend, where he is known to be one of the best hitters. I saw him crank a ball from the first softball field onto Driggs.

7) Becky Sherman, 2B - She's been in the league since the beginning, so she knows how to field and how to advance runners. That's her job. She usually gets that job done, which to bring home any leftover runners preceding her, if they didn't score already. If not, she's leading off.

8) Jesse "Ballgame" Sullivan, SS. Best arm in the League, and the inaugural winner of our "Golden Hands" award. He's fast, surprisingly strong, and earns true singles like Johnny Damon. He likes to dick around on the basepaths too, so look out for him to just keep on running.

9) Katrina Raben, P. Kat has great fielding instincts, as she grew up playing softball. Her arm bests most men's, and don't cheat in too close when defending her, as she will line it over your head.

10) Bridgette Ricketts, C. This is one sweet-ass babe. At the very least, she can trash talk you into an out while she's catching.

11) Neil Wheelz, RF, or 1B. Skinny, athletic, dexterous. He can place the ball anywhere he wants, and like Ballgame, has more singles than the Funk Brothers.

Randal Mixon, Manager. He possesses a cool and intelligent managerial style that I'm sure he would love to compare to Terry Francona's. This squad was his creation, and the credit goes to him for assembling this exceptional team.

Hope this helps y'all!