LPM weighs in on shit...

...and you know you want to hear it suckaz.

Respect to you Kevin for the apology. Doesn't make everythang all hunky-dory, but it goes a long way...fo' reals.

We are a confusing bunch, but one thing that never changes about us is that we do not half-step about anything. Spitting in the hand is a straight up pussy move (like bunting) and I don't think it is something anyone on the Pirates would do. If they did (either bunt or spit in the hand), I guarantee you that I would kick the pussy ass motherfucker right off the team quick. We are assholes, we know that, we are Pirates, what do you expect...but as was posted in the Blog here and in the Forum here as well, we abide by certain rules, reprinted below:

The rules are simple:

1. No punching
2. No kicking
3. No spitting
4. No fucking with other people's property
5. Pushing and Shoving are allowed, but keep it tame
6. Pouring liquor on others in the "brawl" is encouraged
7. Despite the shit-talking and respective team records/rivalries, we are above all friends, tied together by kickball...act that way.

Perhaps it would have been wiser of me to drop the knowledge in advance before we played. I think if people knew what to expect and that it was an act for the field, they would be less offended/stressed/whathaveyou. My bad. Lesson learned for next time.

All that said, I truly respect the fact that you came up in here and owned up to your actions. Despite the dirt throwing, shit talking, rowdiness we exhude during games, we're on whupass terms with just about all the other teams in the league. They know how we roll and what we do, they expect it and they (try) to serve it back in kind...and everyone has a great time.

My concern (and the reason I was calling for a lifetime ban for you) is that last Sunday was the first time a punch was thrown in anger like that in kickball and I do NOT want that type of shit to even have a chance of happening again. We are having too much fun to have shit spoiled by a hothead that doesn't get it and takes shit WAY too seriously.

As far the reaction, I can forgive...particularly if someone has learned their lesson. BUT there is an enormous difference between words and actions. to retaliate with a similar level of force is acceptable. if dirt was thrown back at us, no problem, if beer was thrown on us, fine, if we were given a severed pig's head, thank you...but the second someone takes a step over the line, that is a huge problem. My reason for not wanting the guy around and refusing to play the team again is not out of revenge, but out of safety...who knows if this guy will snap again? or if in a drunken stupor some rogue pirates want to get "revenge" for his prior actions? the sad fact is that regardless of what we do, there will be some animosity felt between us, whether it is actually expressed or not and i would rather make sure that those feelings stay buried and do not have even the slightest chance of resurfacing. best way to do this? never play the Daggers again.

the pirates allow for its members to cast off the expectations and rules imposed on them by the world to be free for a single day each week. the same concept as the "weekend warrior". get all the pent up aggression, anger, frustration, out in a positive way and return to your daily grind a bit happier than before...the flip side of this way of rolling like this is that emotions can get the best of you and "crowd mentality" can get a stronger hold over you in a volatile situation. Understanding this, i want to avoid such outbursts of possible violence as best I can.

We all realize that we are pretty much hated (on the field, at least) by nearly everyone in kickball...controlling that hate and the reactions to that hate is the challenge i face...keep in mind, that was the first premeditated punch that was thrown in kickball. should not an example be made to drive the point home that shit like that WILL NOT be tolerated ander any circumstances?

part of my fear is that one of my pirates will take this as a message that if someone gets in yer face and is really ruffneck it is ok to deck them, the only punishment is a 2 week suspension. i KNOW that none of the pirates wants to get dropped from kickball...this shit has become a HUGE for many of the people on the team. they would not jeapordize their Sunday fun for the satisfaction of hitting someone...but would they sacrifice 2 sundays for the pleasure of clocking someone? i'm not sure...perhaps? (if i was pissed enough, i might consider it) I do not want that to happen. If the commisioner was a bit tougher about this incident, i think notice would be out that if you do something stupid you are gone, no excuses...as it stands, you do something stupid, you have to go sit in the corner for 15 minutes...and sitting in the corner ain't that bad...

That said, I do kinda understand that not having faced us before, we can come off as intimidating assholes (after all we *are* robot pirates from the future struggling in a war against mankind) and I'm sure losing to us just compounds those feelings of hate y'all were feeling towards us. However, taking it to the next level like that cannot be excused or tolerated. Don't want a league where people feel like it is ok doing shit like that. Under any circumstances, it is wrong. If it was someone from my own team that threw the first punch, rest assured that regardless of their position on the team or their importance to it or my friendship with them, I would make sure they never returned.

My primary concern is for the safety of my team and positive building of the league. I respect your words and where you are coming from, but my feeling on the matter/punishment remains the same.

On the personal side of things, shit is up to you and Adam...

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LPM
4
LIFE
- posted by LPM @ 12:14 PM

 
For what it's worth - here's a statement from Kevin, the poor, suspended lad from the Daggers:

My name is kevin, I'm the asshole who took a shot at Adam.

Thanks to my team for standing up for me. Don't stress anymore, please.

Adam was giving me stink-eye and talking pretty heavy. I really think he spit on his hand. He said some fucked up shit after I asked him. That doesn't mean anything though because who knows what to believe with your team -- you have to know you fuckers are a confusing bunch.

I had no right -- at all -- to punch your guy without being completely sure, and even then I should have walked. I'm a giant fuckface.

We just wanted to play some kickball and all that jawing and pegging us in the face with sand and rock had us stressed. I guess we could do that too, but I know I speak for a lot of us when I say I'm not really interested in playing like that. But enough about us.

Not much to say about it now except I'm sorry about that. It was fucked up and childish. No excuse. Apologies to that guy I punched while we were on the ground and especially to Adam: my bad, I mean it sincerely. If I ever see you, I hope you'll let me buy you drinks until you can't remember last Sunday.

Kevin
- posted by Kevin @ 2:58 PM

 
"Fuck da Po-lice, comin' straight from the underground....." - you should know the rest.

Look ya'll, I grew up in the burbs of Jersey, and if anyone knows firsthand the bullshit cops pull, and I mean, jerkoff high-school assholes/dropouts getting badges, and pissing on the Constitution, it's me. I grew up along Route 22, a major thoroughfare leading into the City, and for every time the police pulled over a black guy, they contributed to the rage and disenfranchisement of minorities while building themselves a superfluous town hall and an ever bigger police station, equipped with a gym most of those fat fucks would never use. "Beat tha police outta shape, and when I'm finished, bring the yellow tape."

Prior to 9-11, there was a considerable movement to undo what basically every reasonable Jersey resident knew: let's stop bullying the African-Americans. This cause gained some steam, and the State Police Chief lost his job over some lose lipping. However, the bad-apple theory prevailed, and with most whites thinking well, why are the blacks the ones getting arrested for drugs?, they're the criminals!, our guys are just protecting our fine neighborhoods. Then 9-11 happened, and even chubby suburban cops are given credit for something they had nothing to do with, and racial profiling became justified, I fear, permanently.

So yeah, I hate cops too. They do more to cause racial rifts in our country than the KKK ever did. If I had it my way, I'd fire all of them all and let the minorities run that system. But we know that's not happening, as everyone should know that if one of ours is getting busted, that basically reciting "Fuck da Police" is not gonna help. Sure, you may feel better, and feel a sense of entitlement while dissing the cops, but, are u the one with the head forced down on the back of the cops' trunk? Are u gonna change the system on a Sunday Night while half in the bag?

What happened Sunday was bad all around. 2 people, in the throws of passion and joy, used bad judgement and got caught. But then, onlookers thought they could help, when really, they're making the situation worse. All I can say is, besides the fact that I feel badly for those embarrassed (to be euphemistic), now the local police may give us a closer look than for no other reason just to fuck with us. So to that I say, for the next couple weeks, please be more careful. Also, and to conclude, show nothing but respect to our funny but misguided criminals. God knows I've enjoyed many a public bare-bottom spanking at places like Pandora's Box, so I ain't above shit. I adore Kink, and I wish everyone were the same. I'd love to climax every Sunday with a Kickball Orgy right in the middle of our lit field, televised for the whole world to see, if for no other reason than to prove to Jensy that orgies do exist. Just so ya know where I'm coming from ;)

VIOLENCE IS NOT TOLERATED AROUND THESE PARTS! What is violence, anyway?

Dictionary.com defines "violence" as such:

1. Physical force exerted for the purpose of violating, damaging, or abusing: crimes of violence.
2. The act or an instance of violent action or behavior.
3. Intensity or severity, as in natural phenomena; untamed force: the violence of a tornado.
4. Abusive or unjust exercise of power.
5. Abuse or injury to meaning, content, or intent: do violence to a text.
6. Vehemence of feeling or expression; fervor.

So, although violence is commonly thought to be just physical, it has other, more subtle meanings. The point: if you talk violently, and someone takes you seriously, particularly if that someone doesn't know you any better, because, say, he is a stranger, then don't cry virgin if that someone wants to hit you. I don't like hitting, and I've really only done that very few times in my life, but I know I've been violent in my rhetoric to other people, and my mouth did damage. So, thus, I have been violent, and I needed to change myself.

Remember, there are fine lines between trash talk, disparagement, and violence, which is why the rules say, quite clearly, to never trash talk in a violent or trite way.

So, if I see anyone talking violently, they're getting thrown out too. That is why I feel I should be somewhat lenient to the the pugnacious Brooklyn Dagger: he was violently approached verbally, and he reacted with physical violence. My decree is this: he will be suspended for the duration of June. He will not be expelled. If anyone feels I'm being a wuss, then remember I will be even more strict about what the true meaning of violence is.

If you read this, thanks HilaryJane.

PLAY NICE, OR ELSE MUTHAFUCKER! Peace.
- posted by Kevin @ 1:16 AM

 
Sundays -

Ya know, right now it's Sunday at 1 PM, and I'm just getting into the swing of things. I wonder how the league will be in a month when we have to schlep there at 2.

Let me say I do not want to change the time to 2. We were forced to by the Parks Department, and if anybody has ever had to deal with a such an agency, you'll believe when I say, I shoulda bribed them. If I had good cash I would have, but it's too late now anyway. We're just gonna have to sweat it out at 2, and trust me, I imagine once we make the adjustment, we will make it great. We'll need tons of water, mini pools, hydro-guns, slip n slides.......wait, slip n sliding into home??? I'll have to pass that one around. Also, we'll do many things afterwards, such as go watch a movie at the Mark, hit a Sunday night baseball game, and spank Lauren (ah, what coulda been, that hottie was my original date for the Dance, and I fucked it up by asking another. I just didn't think she was being serious at first, as I didn't hear from hear from her until 8 days after i asked her...i just didn't know. But she was of the evening's princesses, and she made a point of sticking it to me every five minutes. Sweetly, though, we did find humor, closure and resolution doing a paultry line of blow together.)

Speaking of which....

The Kick Ball was a mighty success for everyone except my cock, and the few precious people that could not attend, one of whom I'll name, Josh Johnson. Joshie's a good pallie and I always want him around to make our neuvo Rack Pack. The goal of every maturing clique is rock it like those Three (yes, Joey Bishop and Peter Lawford kinda don't register at all: to sing, dance, drink, drug, smoke, and charm many a fine lady's panties down. Tell you one thing, I do plan on taking matters more seriously, and girlfriends, I really want and need to go on such a fuck spree, you have no idea. You will get nothing but roses, respect, and breaka-dawn stamina.

Getting back to the Big Dance, let it be a lesson to all you fiances out there, sweating out every detail and every moment leading up to the churchbells: CHILL. We conceived of it on a Sunday night, May 22nd, after kickball, and held the event less than 2 weeks later on Saturday June 5th. The Mark Bar was set up perfectly, we had streamers, balloon-arches, a Harpist, a photographer, great punch with lime sherbet and ginger ale for extra froth (no, there was no E in it), Hipsters dressing with class, good DJing and dancing, and over 5 websites to chronicle it. So many people hooked up and looked hot. I even had friends and family come over forty miles and two Rivers from Jersey. Over a hundred playas came, easily. A good plenty claim it was one the greatest evenings in awhile, and that Kickball has made them happier in general. Ya see, it's not your politicians, it's your Athletic Director that hooks u up. I like the role of Cupid, as long as I get to shoot myself in the ass too.

For all those that found love at the big dance, I say Kudos, and I hope you name your aborted kid after me. Thanks to Everyone at the Mark, including Tommy, Kevin, Hans, Smitty and Bobby, and to BA, for working hard all day and night. Where the fuck does she get her energy from?

Let's get into it - we're gonna have an all-star team, and i am in the process of contacting the D.C. league (god, it's just as pretentious to call yourself the "World League" as when baseball calls its title round the "World Series." The only true World League on Earth is Soccer) to see if we can have the "Battle of Philadelphia." I guess the first weekend in October would be a good idea. They outnumber us 8-1, the question is do they have more talent. I was thinking of sending down 2 squads, an A and B team, play all day, and work it out so that every A team win is worth 2 points, and a B-team win gets one. Whichever league has more points at the end of day owns Philly and their respective town. The losers shan't be caught dead in either city. This would so much fun, and as I'm getting back to taking life more seriously, I am recusing myself from the Selection Committee, and trying out myself. I need to find good, impartial people to pick and run the team. If i don't make it then I'll be a coach no doubt. But to all those looking to qualify: it's gonna be hard. Practices will be tough, and stressful. We have to represent the greatest city in our fair country and we can't go down to Philly and get blown out. No Fucking Way.


- posted by Kevin @ 1:00 PM