Lastly, I would like to give Shakamania a shout-out for playing so valiantly, and I hope to see all of them on the 12, which is gearing up to be spectacular. I hope to see tons of people on the 12th. More on that later....For now, pay attention to Jens:
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Hello. Jens here.
The playoffs resume 9/12 ... And finish 9/19.
You may be wondering how this is going to work. Well, hold on tight ...
We have three teams left: LOS PIRATAS MECHANICOS (ranked #1), the DIVINE DAGGERS of SOMETHING or OTHER (numero dos) and those fun-loving ORANGESLEEVES (bronze medal).
We are no longer doing 3-game series, but one game at a time.
The first game will be the DAGGERS (2) vs. the ORANGESLEEVES (3).
The PIRATES (1) will play the LOSER of game #1.
And so, from this point on, the theory is:
the team that DIDN'T PLAY the previous game will play the LOSER of the previous game.
Once a team loses THREE (3) GAMES, they are eliminated.
Simple, and will resolve the winner of BROOKLYN KICKBALL in between 6 and 8 games. Or, exactly TWO (2) SUNDAYS. So, rest up, and see you on the 12th.
One other thing: SHOCKAMANIA, what's left of the ORPHANS, and other stragglers are ...
STILL INVITED!!!
... to come play kickball. We will be holding "just for fun" scrimmages at the Red Monster, the outfield just past the field of dreams. So, if you still haven't gotten your kickball fix, or you just discovered our fine league, well, come on down. Simple as that.
Questions / comments: brooklynkickball@hotmail.com.
Hans's? or........
Smitty's?
Either Way, we are rocking it for the playoffs. People are getting in shape, talking strategy, hopefully gambling. Encouraging gambling is basically what separates me from the other commissioners of this world. That, and I roll up in a semi-beatup Civic. But i am the first Players' Commish, for sure.
So, for starters, show up at 5 o'clock, promptly. We have a ton o' games to play. These playoffs are double-elimination, as August's too early to watch people cry. Afterwards, we're heading to the Mark Bar to get drunk, watch the epic, cult movie, The Warriors, eat free pizza (and free don't mean bad: I like Triangulo's pies, and I'm a snob regarding Italian food), and getting mighty toasted. I would like to also ask everyone to stop by for a quickie at the Pencil Factory along the way, if possible. Think of it as a very brief pub crawl. I feel bad that Jens is working at a neighboring bar. Well, I will drop in for a short snort anyway.
OK. Everyone bring food to grill. I took a bath on the BBQ two weeks ago. Still, I will provide food this week anyway, but let's mix it up. Let's barbecue shrimp, corn on the cob, as well as the more traditional Dogs, Burgers, and Sausages. Grilling is essential for good playoffs.
So to All the Captians, check in and tell me what food you can bring, and also, send me your playoff roster. I wanted to limit it to 21 people, while Jens wanted 30, while others told me to cut it to 15. Fuck it, it's 21. That's doesn't mean you can't have cheerleaders (I wish I had my original one) and fans, but they just ain't playing.
BA and Lola took it upon themselves to run the voting ballot for all the awards, so write BA with your votes on who's the king or queen of what. Also, the word from the underground is that a new edition of the Brooklyn Kickballer is coming soon to ream us all out. Contact this rogue reporter with any gossip you can supply.
Lastly, here's what I believe are the Vegas odds for who's winning it all:
Daggers: 4 - 1
Sleeves: 4.5 - 1
Pirates: 6 - 1
Chaka: 20 - 1
Oakcrest Day Camp: 25 - 1
Orphans: 100 - 1
But the Sleeves just got some key players back, so look out, we're fucking going to be ready.
ON-Topic
OFF - Topic
The Commish Rants about his Big, Faggedy, Soon to be Ex-Governor, and
Jersey Itself
Most everyone knows the "irony" of a Brooklyn Kickball Commish being from Jersey. I feel that for it to be ironic, you must be a student of Alanis Morissette. Hudson County, as well as others, is just as much as part of the Metro area as any other. Our restaurants are just as fantastic; the pussy is just as sweet; its architecture just as sophisticated; its wealth is second to none. I can access Manhattan as easily as any outer Borougher. Hoboken suffered the most loss of life on 9-11. If the attacks on New York were attacks on America, then Jersey is New York.
Jersey is not without its internal strife, such as cities vs. the suburbs, and every one of its billion municipalities blowing its wad trying to be a City-State in the caliber of a Florence or a Siena. Newark, Camden, and yes, even Atlantic City will never get a leg up because they depend on its poor local taxes, and everyone from the rich burbs revolt everytime a Governor tries to spread the wealth evenly. Think about this: Newark and Short Hills are in the same county, yet the former is in the top 10 of poorest cities of the country, while the the latter in the top 10 of the richest. We are segregated, town by town.
I know why people think Jersey is a dump and its people are stupid. When tourists drive the Turnpike on their approach to Manhattan, and see and smell the oil refineries, or when morons watch the Sopranos, they think they got the Garden State all figured out. Jersey has been dissed for so long even before I was born. Bugs Bunny bemoaned being stuck in Hoboken. Hawkeye Pierce from "M*A*S*H" called Korea's frontline the "Jersey City of southeast Asia." In the original "Heaven Can Wait", circa 1936, the guardian angel wished to be relocated out of Jersey.
Our state takes all this shit as if California doesn't have Compton, as if East New York isn't in New York, as if half of Texas isn't a wasteland. I love when Billyburgers and Greenpointers dis Jersey as if their life expectancy doesn't drop with every breath they take. Wanna take a trip 2 hours away and check out the slums of New Haven, Connecticut (that's right, Yale territory),
or the barren steel towns in Eastern Pennsylvania? Everyone around here is from somewhere else: I hear tales of the pits in Youngstown, Ohio to the poverty in Bangor Maine. All states have its eyesores and its depravity: Jersey is just the most obvious due to its closeness to New York.
Fuck you. We put more into the Union than any other state and get the least in return. Our blemishes remain partly because we are America's Sugar Daddy. If we could keep our federal taxes, we'd have the Holland Tunnel paved with gold (at least halfway), and boast an army capable of taking on anyone. But because we have to subsidize the Misssissippis, Arkansas, and Dakotas in this Fine Union, we can't get any new infrastructure and improvements for ourselves. They are not the heartland, we are.
I have never liked anyone I've voted for except Jesse Jackson, my very first choice. The only thing I want from my politicians is to build me more shit and improve what we have, but due to the reasons explained above, compounded by maladies like piggish, corrupt unions, their hands are tied. So I don't know what to expect. But tell ya one thing California: we'd never vote for
Tony Soprano. And New York, how's Bloomberg feeling right now? Don't u feel a little used by 9-11 politics? That's ok, most of our stupid country fell for it too.
-Rodney Dangerfield, Caddyshack, Censored Version
Ok, Y'all - The Time is Now. Get your cheerleaders and betting slips ready, 'cause here comes the playoffs. We have played for this moment since April. Everyone should know the fundamentals by now, such as when to run and where to throw. Nobody should be in the dark about the infield fly rule, one-base-on-an-overthrow, and no fucking bunting. I will have three umps per game, and I will umpire every game I'm not playing in. I know I got Kevin Harley, Jens and Hans to strongly enforce the rules, and I will be getting umps' attire this week.
Quick note: on the issue of one base on an overthrow, should a fielder choose to kick the ball, the one base rule does not apply. A fielder can risk it by kicking, but must feel the consequences if the ball goes well astray. This issue came up last Sunday.
To every team captain, please give me a 21 person roster by Sunday. I will ask that for any player to eligible for the finals, he/she must have played in at least one round of the playoffs prior. I will make exceptions to familiar faces, such as Nipple's ass. I know he's going away for a fortnight or so, but should Los Pirates Mechanicos make the finals, of course he could play in it (but put him in your playoff roster, Franz). That's right, keep it to 21 playerz.
How will the playoffs evolve? The tournament will be double elimination style. That means, once a team loses twice, they're out. The first round will be straight seed matchups, such as, 1 versus 6, 2 versus 5, etc. For the second round, I will try to both adhere to seed purity while matching up different teams.
What's tricky is that, as we're allowing entree for anyone, I don't know yet how many teams are in the post-season. The Dob Kings told me at Lola's party they will be there. If they are, then they're the 5 seed. The Hasids, my Brother's camp team, and some random guy's team all claim they will have teams for Sunday (look out, my bro runs that camp and he's been practicing them almost every day). The quicker someone relays their roster to us, the higher their seed.
forward to seeing her dress up like Yentyl.
Every round up to the finals is best of three. Play your foe, watch someone else, play your foe again. We may have to set up the card table. The format for the finals is best of 5, probably spreading over two Sundays. I love the idea of two teams sweatin' it for a week.
The 15th, 22nd, and 29th are all playoff days. Labor Day is OFF. That's right, OFF. I'll say it one more time: THERE IS NO KICKBALL LABOR DAY WEEKEND. I am looking to get a couple of more weeks' time for the finals and for a final fun day. I am contacting the Baltimore league about an All-Star game in Philly, the DC league never got back to me. More on that later. Plus, I'm looking into having bands and djing for the final rounds. I know, good luck with that Commish. But if they let us get some amplification, all the eliminated teams can rock it out while trash talking the remaining winners.
Three Big Announcements
Look who's coming to Kickball:
This fine lady, the host of her TV show, "JoJo New York" and a video crew from PowerImage, are showing up to play and shoot this Sunday for a new TV show on SinoVision (what, no link?), Channel 73. They want "to (show) its audience of 300,000 Chinese speakers in the New York Area...the glory of the sport and the fame of the OrangeSleeves." Obviously, they have requested that Jojo play on the O'Sleeves. I am happy to oblige. So, now, pigfuckaz, will u have your A game knowing much of Chinatown will be tuning in? I hope so. Unfortunately, we will be without the core of our infield, as Shy, Jesse, and Ben are all going to New Mexico. I will have to call around to make sure we have a decent squad. "Jojo New York" airs on Saturday Nights from 9 - 9:30, starting August 7th. Our episode comes sometime in September. Just remember the golden rule about never being trite or violent with the trash-talking, as we are, now, Ambassadorz. We are going to have so much fucking fun: bring the smoke-bombs, water guns, cows' heads, (that's right, plural), monkey-suits and some flowers. The BBQ will be in full-effect, guaranteed.
I'd like to thank Elizabeth from the 'Sleeves for hooking this shit up. I'm gonna marry and divorce that girl someday.
So please, tell everyone, spread the word, and be there at 6 PROMPTLY.
Second, not to be confusing and annoying, but we are starting at 6 again, and ending when the lights go off. 4 o'clock sucks, nobody claims the field at 8, and so I must chalk up this whole new schedule bullshit as a mixup at the Parks Department. Therefore, show up at 6 like back in the good ol' days of June. I will be there playing with my penis at 4 just in case people
do show then. But, spread the word on that too.
3rd, and last, the playoffs begin on the 15th. The format will be best of 3, double elimination. More on that later, but i think at least 5 teams are playing. The finals will last over two week's time and will be the best of 5.
Chill.
Many cities have shown interest in playing in our 3rd annual tournament. What is the format? Well, that depends on the amount of teams. What we know for sure that this will be a rocking day, with many musical performances representing many genres. We also know there is no cost. Furthermore, we ask all Brooklyn players to help out and let our travlin' guests stay at their place:
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