DA RULEZ

(like to say they're ain't none, but here ya go)


Requisites: Two legs (or prosthetics) and a Positive Attitude.

Most Baseball Rules apply , with these Amendments:

  • For every umpire crew, there is a chief.  Only the Chief can call a bunt, send runners back, assemble the other umps for discussion, and in very rare instances, overrule another umpire.
  • Each team must provide 2 umps every Sunday at sign up, preferably with each team providing an ump before and after each game it plays.
  • With the exception of league officials and others given explicit permission, no can play for multiple teams.   We will corral free agents near the Queue Board.
  • There are Maximum 10 players in the field. Minimum of Four (4) Women, 5 if it's Hot!  Furthermore, 4 out of the first 10 kickers in the lineup must be women.  Lastly, no team is allowed to play short-handed.  We will just replace that team with another.
  • As there are no called balls and strikes, Pitch Smoothly, Forcefully, and in Good Faith, like you were bowling.  The Chief ump can replace (not eject) the pitcher if he/she does not abide.  The team's respective captain shall quickly choose the replacement.
  • Trash talk is allowed if clever or witty, but never trite or violent.  Otherwise, take a powder.
  • 5 inning games with the 10 run mercy rule in effect.  No Last Licks for "Burninated" teams past the 1st Inning.
  • There will be an arced foul line a few feet above the home plate.  If a kicker engages the ball beyond that line, the kick is a strike, but the play is dead.
  • We allow players to go out of the game and come back in.  However, always maintain your kicking order. Kicking out of order is an out.  We provide you with roster sheets to make it easy on you.  If players arrive after the lineup has been submitted, the must notify the other team and that player will be inserted at the bottom the order.  Here's a blog about it.
  • Our baselines are 75 feet long.
  • Once the ball is back on the pitcher's mound, and in control by anyone on the fielding team, the play is over. Note to Base Runners: be cool about this.  Except on the Main Field, we will make a circle defining the pitcher's "mound."
  • A foul ball with 2 strikes is an out.
  • No leading off or stealing. If an umpire sees someone leading or stealing, then he/she calls the play dead, the kicker is assigned a strike, regardless if someone just kicked one to the moon.
  • Only One Base for an overthrow going out of bounds.  When there is an overthrow at 1st, 3rd or home on the Monster or Outhouse, all runners get only one base and the play is dead.
  • No (fucking) bunting. That counts as a strike, and the play is dead. The kicker's intent does not matter; neither do the mechanics of the kicker.  Being able to chip it forcefully is just fine.  What matters is the force (f=m*a) of the ball after it's been kicked.  You may consider whether or not the fielding team can get the lead runner, or if the kicker can out-run the ball, but in the end, the force of the ball is paramount in a bunt call..
  • "Indian Rubber," or pegging the runner with the ball, is allowed, though headshots are discouraged. Once the ball hits a runner, the runner is out, but the BALL is LIVE! However, a pegged runner cannot intentionally obstruct the ball.
  • Yes, we allow Ties during the regular season. In Japan, the fans love 'em.
  • Please don't hangout in the left field area between the Main Field and the Red Monster.   There is no first base dugout on the Red Monster.
  • Other things to note about the Monster:
    • If a kicker hits the monster on a fly, it's a Homer! 
    • If it hits the 3rd-base Stadium Light Pole (the big one), it's a fair ball
    • If it hits the tree on the 3rd-base side, it's playable.

If we forgot anything, we'll adapt as needed

PLAY NICE, OR ELSE, MOTHERFUCKER.

Popular Myths, Debunked

  • No, a foul pop-up does not become fair if the fielder drops it.
  • A runner can tag-up on a pop-fly as soon as the fielder touches the ball, so it doesn't matter if the fielder bobbles the ball or not.
  • The pitcher must stand 60 feet and 6 inches away from home plate, not anywhere he/she feels comfy.  Again, we will define a mound area.

Advice

Try and eat something before you drink all night in the sweltering heat.

Don't be seen carrying your own ball on the subway, or you'll get your ass kicked by a 9 year-old. No Doubt.